By Carrie Powers M.Ed., OCT
We have all heard these words before. Many times. Maybe too many to count. We have had our parents, teachers throughout our schooling years and possibly many interviewers that have asked us over and over again to tell them what our passion is in life and share lots of intricate details on what we are going to do about pursuing it and using our passions to make the world a better place to live in for everybody!
Gosh, I thought I knew what my passion was in my mid-twenties yet somehow got sidetracked along the way. You see, I had just graduated from the Ontario Institute of Studies in Education (OISE) in 1996 as a brand new teacher. I was fresh. I was green. Yet I was passionate. During my year at OISE, one or many of my professors asked us to be reflective practitioners and part of that reflection was to dig deep to discover our true passion in education. Questions like; Why were we there? What did we hope to gain from our degree? What did we hope to do after graduation (as we pursue our passion)?...were commonplace. After many hours of reflection, my young naive self of 25 years decided that my passion in education was: “To make a difference in a child’s life!” Pretty simple eh? So as a young educator I set out to pursue my passion, to help as many kids as I could and honestly, that was a pretty big goal to tackle!
Yet somewhere along the way over the past 25 years, I discovered that yes, I was following my passion in education yet was not terribly happy doing so. Let me explain. You see I am an overachiever, a bit of a perfectionist, and don’t know when to stop caring for others. I quickly took education jobs in New Zealand, Toronto, Eastern Arctic, Vancouver and again in Toronto on my mission to help as many kids as I could. I loved my journey in education and learned how to be a thoughtful, caring, effective, passionate and awesome teacher. Yet something was missing, my happiness. Why was I not happy? Why did my passion often lead to exhaustion and eventual burnout?
It was time to dig a little deeper. I reflected on my development years in my family and came up with some possibilities. You see, I was raised in a large, devout Catholic family of seven. My mother, who is really a saint by the way, instilled in her five children a very strong work ethic, good values, and the phrases ‘love until it hurts’ and ‘kill them with kindness’ (our frenemies) were common themes in the household. There was this silent expectation from both my parents to be the best I could be. I took those lessons to heart as a young person and as an adult. As a teacher over the years, I strived to instill those values in my students and be present for them in a loving and caring way. Love until it hurts. As a result, I arrived home each day so depleted and exhausted. I was living my passion yet was so tired from it all! I really cared about every single student within my care. And let’s face it, caring for 25-30 students at a time is a really large family to take care of.
Next, I reflected on schools as an institution itself. What did I like about working in schools? What did I dislike? Was it the place for me to continue my journey in education? Would I dare to think about doing something else with my education? In 2011 I decided to pursue my masters in education in Special Education at The University of British Columbia (UBC). Remember my pursuit of excellence from my younger years? I was continuing to strive to learn more as an educator and get better at my craft. And honestly I loved my years at UBC and discovered two new passions in education along the way. Number one, I discovered my love for Special Education and helping children with unique learning disabilities and number two, I learned that teaching children how to engage in philosophical conversations is way cool! Loved it and developed a grade 1 curriculum in this area. At this special time in my life, I was teaching full time and in school part-time. I was still coming home really exhausted. I was still caring too much. I liked working in a school for the most part yet did not care too much for all the politics that is part of school life. What to do now? While studying at UBC my advisor asked me to clarify my goals post graduation and again to follow my passions. Goal #3 was to start my own business and specifically help kids with learning disabilities (after golas #1 get a job in Special Education and #2 become head of the department etc. I made goal #3 a long term plan at the time. Seemed to make sense at the time right?
Fast Forward to 2018. I was an unemployed teacher in Toronto. After securing two back to back contracts in local private schools, I was finding it difficult to secure full time employment. Time to dig deeper and reflect on my passion in life and my goals. Fear set in. I knew deep down it was my time to go for goal #3 yet I felt I wasn’t ready. Life had thrown me a curve ball, and was I going to see this time in my life as an opportunity for growth or as a definite curveball that would really hurt? I chose to see it as an opportunity. Thank goodness I did! In 2018 I set up my own tutoring company and began looking for students with unique learning needs to help, care for, guide and look after. Slowly but surely my business started to grow and today, is a thriving one, where I dedicate my time, energy and use all my knowledge and experience into helping students in K to grade 8 learn, thrive and have fun in a one-on-one setting. I feel lucky, for the first time in my life I feel happy and energized at the end of each teaching day. You remember reading that line somewhere on your own journey of discovering your passion in life? Usually the author will state something like, “If you come home more energized at the end of a work day, you know you have found your true passion in life and that is your path!” Well, I am here to tell you as an educator with 25 years experience, that that statement is completely true.
So my final reflection piece on finding passion in life is did I choose to follow my passion in those early years as an educator in the wrong way? Was school the best place for me to make a difference in a child’s life? I would have to say that no in the end, I wouldn’t change a thing. Yes I was tired all these years in the classroom, or as a physical education or a Special Education teacher yet it was in those years of tiredness and truly caring about my students, that is where I developed my craft and became the best teacher that I could be. I am thankful for those years, but honestly, I don’t want to repeat them! Maybe my current passion of starting my own business is exactly what was supposed to happen in my life and I am embracing this new change whole-hearted.
So in the end, finding your passion in life is really not that easy or is it? I have followed my passions in my own way, have learned a lot about myself along the way and can say the journey to pursue my passion in education was worth it. Hard yet necessary. And as my mother used to say, “Hard work always pays off!!” You see it all works in the end, if we are reflective about passion and allow the process to unfold naturally, as it should.
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